Thursday, November 19, 2009
Picture day...
You know it is a funny thing how parents anticipate picture day. It never fails it seems that as the day draws nearer that something without fail happens. Three days before picture day, I pick Chase up from the day care and he has a red mark that eventually turns into a scab by his right eye. The daycare worker does not know what happened. Two days before picture day, I pick Chase up from the daycare and he has a red streak down his nose. A mosquito bite on his left check and the scratch from the day before. The teacher does not know what happened. One day before pictures, Chase has lots of tiny scratches on his cheeks. The teacher said he tried running up the slide backwards and he tumbled down the same way?! Well, he was really ready for pictures now. AFTER the pictures, I pick Chase up he has lots of scratches on his face. The teacher said that Chase scratched himself...time for another nail trimming job! I am anxious to see the pictures anyway.
Mornings....
I love mornings! I love waking up to a little voice saying :MOMMY". Of course shortly after I get the head but to the face from the little voice when he crawls over to me and tries to love. He just drops his head straight down on my check, chin or forehead. LOVE PATS! Who says love doesn't hurt!? Then I feel those tiny little arms around my neck. We love and play for a few minutes before the inevitable of getting up. Having Chad here at home in the mornings has sure made it a blessing. The three of us get to eat breakfast together and talk!! That will be a big miss once Chad's hours go back to normal!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Wrestling with God...
Wrestling with God…
There is so much in my life that seems like it is in fast forward spinning motion. It would be so easy just too finally get dizzy and throw up. There are days I want to lay down and sleep for a long while praying that when I did wake up that everything was RIGHT in my world. I know life doesn’t work that way. I sit and ask God why, just to say BLESSED BE YOUR NAME and I trust you with my life a few minutes later. I realize that I am wrestling with God as Steven Curtis Chapman so eloquently put it. I never gave it a second thought other than thinking that I was being double minded. I know that God gave us a whole range of emotions to use in life situations and shouldn’t feel bad when my weak human frailty fails to see the entirety of God holding the situation in his hand. I feel that even though I have a hard time not focusing on the brokenness in my life or knowing the depth of every wrong situation in my life, I do know the one true and right thing in my life and that is God and His Sovereignty. Even in my weak moments when I call out to God and ask WHY, I know in my heart that God is there. I will be carried through this wildness and despair and I will praise Him through this storm.
Pray for my family in these areas:
My teen daughter, my heart and my treasure has made some choices that have given her consequences in this life that she will forever live with. She got pregnant and had a miscarriage. She ended up marrying the young man whom we believed to be 19. He turned out to be 27. She is working, going to school and living as a married girl. It is so much for a young teen to handle. I am praying that God will prosper her and she will turn to Him with her whole heart and seek His guidance and direction for her life. We talk and are doing ok. I just pray that she continues to finish school, doesn’t get pregnant until she is done with school and that her life will be fantastic. The young man is a very nice person. I don’t know much about him at all other than He is saved. I do thank God for that. I am not sure however where all his morals stand. I know in human weakness we all do things.
My mom is doing ok. She is on a vitamin now called Phosphatidyl serine which doctors prescribe for patients with Alzheimer’s/Dementia. It is suppose to be very good. She has been on that for a week now. She has really good days and really BAD days. Please pray that God will restore her 100%.
My dad has been having a lot of pain in his stomach area. He also hurts in his legs and feet. He went to the VA for testing. He told us that he had a bad stomach ulcer and Gall Bladder stones. The Gall bladder may need to come out soon! My mom told me that my dad had told her that He had stomach cancer and that he was going to tell us kids it was an ulcer, which that is what he told us kids. Chad had an opportunity to golf with my dad and talk with him. It turns out as best as Chad could get out of him that it is an early stage of stomach cancer. He is taking meds to prevent it from turning into something worse. I am not sure what to think or believe as to the severity of the cancer. I pray for him to be straight forward with us. I don’t know if this is his way of not fully admitting to himself what is happening to his body.
Please pray for me also. I am struggling with some days of depression over it all. I just need God to restore me to a place to where I am not going to worry over what is and accept that God knows what is best and that I can and will come through this as it isn’t about ME but about the things going on and the people in and around my life. Pray I will shine as a witness and bring God glory through it all.
There is so much in my life that seems like it is in fast forward spinning motion. It would be so easy just too finally get dizzy and throw up. There are days I want to lay down and sleep for a long while praying that when I did wake up that everything was RIGHT in my world. I know life doesn’t work that way. I sit and ask God why, just to say BLESSED BE YOUR NAME and I trust you with my life a few minutes later. I realize that I am wrestling with God as Steven Curtis Chapman so eloquently put it. I never gave it a second thought other than thinking that I was being double minded. I know that God gave us a whole range of emotions to use in life situations and shouldn’t feel bad when my weak human frailty fails to see the entirety of God holding the situation in his hand. I feel that even though I have a hard time not focusing on the brokenness in my life or knowing the depth of every wrong situation in my life, I do know the one true and right thing in my life and that is God and His Sovereignty. Even in my weak moments when I call out to God and ask WHY, I know in my heart that God is there. I will be carried through this wildness and despair and I will praise Him through this storm.
Pray for my family in these areas:
My teen daughter, my heart and my treasure has made some choices that have given her consequences in this life that she will forever live with. She got pregnant and had a miscarriage. She ended up marrying the young man whom we believed to be 19. He turned out to be 27. She is working, going to school and living as a married girl. It is so much for a young teen to handle. I am praying that God will prosper her and she will turn to Him with her whole heart and seek His guidance and direction for her life. We talk and are doing ok. I just pray that she continues to finish school, doesn’t get pregnant until she is done with school and that her life will be fantastic. The young man is a very nice person. I don’t know much about him at all other than He is saved. I do thank God for that. I am not sure however where all his morals stand. I know in human weakness we all do things.
My mom is doing ok. She is on a vitamin now called Phosphatidyl serine which doctors prescribe for patients with Alzheimer’s/Dementia. It is suppose to be very good. She has been on that for a week now. She has really good days and really BAD days. Please pray that God will restore her 100%.
My dad has been having a lot of pain in his stomach area. He also hurts in his legs and feet. He went to the VA for testing. He told us that he had a bad stomach ulcer and Gall Bladder stones. The Gall bladder may need to come out soon! My mom told me that my dad had told her that He had stomach cancer and that he was going to tell us kids it was an ulcer, which that is what he told us kids. Chad had an opportunity to golf with my dad and talk with him. It turns out as best as Chad could get out of him that it is an early stage of stomach cancer. He is taking meds to prevent it from turning into something worse. I am not sure what to think or believe as to the severity of the cancer. I pray for him to be straight forward with us. I don’t know if this is his way of not fully admitting to himself what is happening to his body.
Please pray for me also. I am struggling with some days of depression over it all. I just need God to restore me to a place to where I am not going to worry over what is and accept that God knows what is best and that I can and will come through this as it isn’t about ME but about the things going on and the people in and around my life. Pray I will shine as a witness and bring God glory through it all.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Some days life is hard to take…
Some days life is hard to take…
Some times when I am having a bad day, all I can do is sit and dwell on it. I pray and ask God to help me be thankful in every situation. That is HARD to do. But, I know that God is God and He is sovereign. He knows all, sees all and understands all. Even when I think this is all I can bear, God carries me. At that point, I may not even notice but I know it is happening because God said He wouldn’t put more than I could bear upon us. He sustains me. Life sometimes hands out hardships. It seems like mine has been ongoing for three years. I can only pray that I see some light soon. I was listening to a song by Natalie Grant called “HELD”. Some of the words are true and ministering. I know that this life is not promised without tribulations or horrors. If that were so, Job would not have gone through what he did. But in the end God delivered him and blessed him with more than he had in the first place. Psalms 34:19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all
Partial words : Natalie Grant Song. HELD
Who told us we’d be rescued?What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?We’re asking why this happensTo us who have died to live?It’s unfair.Chorus:This is what it means to be held.How it feels when the sacred is torn from your lifeAnd you survive.This is what it is to be loved.And to know that the promise wasWhen everything fell we’d be held.This hand is bitterness.We want to taste it, let the hatred NUMB our sorrow.The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.Bridge:If hope is born of suffering.If this is only the beginning.Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?
Some times when I am having a bad day, all I can do is sit and dwell on it. I pray and ask God to help me be thankful in every situation. That is HARD to do. But, I know that God is God and He is sovereign. He knows all, sees all and understands all. Even when I think this is all I can bear, God carries me. At that point, I may not even notice but I know it is happening because God said He wouldn’t put more than I could bear upon us. He sustains me. Life sometimes hands out hardships. It seems like mine has been ongoing for three years. I can only pray that I see some light soon. I was listening to a song by Natalie Grant called “HELD”. Some of the words are true and ministering. I know that this life is not promised without tribulations or horrors. If that were so, Job would not have gone through what he did. But in the end God delivered him and blessed him with more than he had in the first place. Psalms 34:19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all
Partial words : Natalie Grant Song. HELD
Who told us we’d be rescued?What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?We’re asking why this happensTo us who have died to live?It’s unfair.Chorus:This is what it means to be held.How it feels when the sacred is torn from your lifeAnd you survive.This is what it is to be loved.And to know that the promise wasWhen everything fell we’d be held.This hand is bitterness.We want to taste it, let the hatred NUMB our sorrow.The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.Bridge:If hope is born of suffering.If this is only the beginning.Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?
Friday, July 10, 2009
Expediency or Faith? AMAZING you have to hear it for yourself!!!
Rough overview
Genesis 16 – Sermon by Alistair Begg
AMAZING and ENLIGHTENING
Expediency-Not asking the question what is right but settling for what will work,
Basically Self Effort taking the place of FAITH
The Bible is clear, The end never justifies the means
Abram and Sarai – Promise of a baby from God.
Sarai- expediency -Doubted God, reasoned that God had made her unable to have children, Told Abram to go unto Hagar and gave her handmaiden to Abram tried to make God’s promise come into being from self effort.
Abram – expediency- sinned, listened to Sarai, voice of reason, and came unto Hagar.
Hagar – conceived Ishmael, and conceived false pride by despising Sarai,
Sarai - conceived false accusation towards Abram.
Abram - false responsibility, told Sarah to treat Hagar as she pleased as it was her maid servant.
Hagar – Flees, God tells her to return to Sarai and submit to her authority that she will give birth to a son, name him Ishmael. Descendants would be numerous.
Ishmael – donkey of a man, will be hostile to everyone and everyone will be hostile to him.
Repercussions : chaos, confusion, brokenness, and future repercussions of Islamic religion being born and the war that continues between Ishmael and Isaac today.
What degree of faith we are today determines our outcome of our future tomorrow.
God’s Will Must be done God’s way out of Faith and not self effort. We should not act out of expediency. We should act in faith and learn to wait as waiting and faith are hand in hand. Help us not to grab things with our own hands Lord but to wait on you.
Genesis 16 – Sermon by Alistair Begg
AMAZING and ENLIGHTENING
Expediency-Not asking the question what is right but settling for what will work,
Basically Self Effort taking the place of FAITH
The Bible is clear, The end never justifies the means
Abram and Sarai – Promise of a baby from God.
Sarai- expediency -Doubted God, reasoned that God had made her unable to have children, Told Abram to go unto Hagar and gave her handmaiden to Abram tried to make God’s promise come into being from self effort.
Abram – expediency- sinned, listened to Sarai, voice of reason, and came unto Hagar.
Hagar – conceived Ishmael, and conceived false pride by despising Sarai,
Sarai - conceived false accusation towards Abram.
Abram - false responsibility, told Sarah to treat Hagar as she pleased as it was her maid servant.
Hagar – Flees, God tells her to return to Sarai and submit to her authority that she will give birth to a son, name him Ishmael. Descendants would be numerous.
Ishmael – donkey of a man, will be hostile to everyone and everyone will be hostile to him.
Repercussions : chaos, confusion, brokenness, and future repercussions of Islamic religion being born and the war that continues between Ishmael and Isaac today.
What degree of faith we are today determines our outcome of our future tomorrow.
God’s Will Must be done God’s way out of Faith and not self effort. We should not act out of expediency. We should act in faith and learn to wait as waiting and faith are hand in hand. Help us not to grab things with our own hands Lord but to wait on you.
Garage Sale Temptation
Garage Sale Temptation
On my way to work this morning I saw numerous signs for garage sales, yard sales, and moving sales. I didn’t see one for estate sale but I am sure there must be one out there. I was so tempted to call in to work today for a day off! However; conscience would not let me. I always have Saturday.
Saturday garage sales start off about 7:00 am. We buy a paper, mark where we want to go and if we don’t know where it is, we use the GPS! (I love my honey and thank him for the GPS!) Most of the times, I find a little bit of things. Other times, I find a whole lot of things! About 10:00 am, it starts getting very hot and we call it quits. We head over to Janette and Adrianna’s for breakfast. It isn’t a big ordeal but it does get you out of the house and moving! It is a nice break from work. OH HOW I WISHED I HAD TAKEN OFF TODAY!
On my way to work this morning I saw numerous signs for garage sales, yard sales, and moving sales. I didn’t see one for estate sale but I am sure there must be one out there. I was so tempted to call in to work today for a day off! However; conscience would not let me. I always have Saturday.
Saturday garage sales start off about 7:00 am. We buy a paper, mark where we want to go and if we don’t know where it is, we use the GPS! (I love my honey and thank him for the GPS!) Most of the times, I find a little bit of things. Other times, I find a whole lot of things! About 10:00 am, it starts getting very hot and we call it quits. We head over to Janette and Adrianna’s for breakfast. It isn’t a big ordeal but it does get you out of the house and moving! It is a nice break from work. OH HOW I WISHED I HAD TAKEN OFF TODAY!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Just standing...
I know that thousands of people deal with this every day and yet I feel alone and isolated. The diagnosis for my mom is early stages of Alzheimer’s and mild to moderate dementia. I have read some disturbing facts online and I guess I really didn’t want to know the facts. I feel stricken with grief and sadness. I feel a weakness in my body that leaves me nauseous. I feel loss in my life already.
The fact sheet:
1. 5.3 million People in the US are living with Alzheimer’s.
2. 3x Alzheimer’s and dementia triple healthcare costs for Americans 65+ (my mom isn’t even 59 yet).
3. Every 70 seconds, someone develops Alzheimer’s
4. Alzheimer’s costs more than $148 billion each year to Medicare, Medicaid and businesses.
5. Alzheimer’s disease is 100% always fatal.
Courtesy of Facts & Figures – Action Alz
I feel so sick inside, lost. There is so much emotion and anxiety that I am feeling. There is an inside imploding taking place and I feel it is just going to burst through to an outside appearance any time now. At this point, I can’t imagine life without my mom. Yes, I know it could be years but it could also be months. I pray for years. I honestly pray for healing instead.
I know I will have to deal with this head on. As of right now, I haven’t told my mom the results of the Doctor’s diagnosis. I don’t know if I will ever tell her. My dad knows and he hasn’t told her either. I have to make an appointment with the doctor to see what we need to do next. Since there is no insurance, it is so expensive. I am trying to see if my mom will qualify for Medicare before we do anything else. I am waiting for an insurance application by mail that hasn’t come yet. I may have to just go down to SS office and see if I can get one physically.
I pray that my heart can keep it together with wise decisions and choices. It seems that unless I do anything, no one else will move. My dad seems to make no effort in getting my mom help. He says he is so concerned, more so than us kids but I am having a hard time believing him. I think that he thinks, if he ignores it, the problem doesn’t exist. My brothers don’t know what to do either. They are looking for answers and I don’t have any myself. I feel a big strain even in home life. So many of the plans we have made or planned have now changed. I just want to survive the storm with my family intact. I don’t want to argue or split apart. I want to wish everything alright. I know I have to trust God and truly lean on Him. So why do I feel so human in my emotions? It is like an untamed ocean raging. Sometimes, I feel like I have to keep what I feel inside for the fear of annoying those around me. All I want to do is just stand. All I am going to do is stand.
The fact sheet:
1. 5.3 million People in the US are living with Alzheimer’s.
2. 3x Alzheimer’s and dementia triple healthcare costs for Americans 65+ (my mom isn’t even 59 yet).
3. Every 70 seconds, someone develops Alzheimer’s
4. Alzheimer’s costs more than $148 billion each year to Medicare, Medicaid and businesses.
5. Alzheimer’s disease is 100% always fatal.
Courtesy of Facts & Figures – Action Alz
I feel so sick inside, lost. There is so much emotion and anxiety that I am feeling. There is an inside imploding taking place and I feel it is just going to burst through to an outside appearance any time now. At this point, I can’t imagine life without my mom. Yes, I know it could be years but it could also be months. I pray for years. I honestly pray for healing instead.
I know I will have to deal with this head on. As of right now, I haven’t told my mom the results of the Doctor’s diagnosis. I don’t know if I will ever tell her. My dad knows and he hasn’t told her either. I have to make an appointment with the doctor to see what we need to do next. Since there is no insurance, it is so expensive. I am trying to see if my mom will qualify for Medicare before we do anything else. I am waiting for an insurance application by mail that hasn’t come yet. I may have to just go down to SS office and see if I can get one physically.
I pray that my heart can keep it together with wise decisions and choices. It seems that unless I do anything, no one else will move. My dad seems to make no effort in getting my mom help. He says he is so concerned, more so than us kids but I am having a hard time believing him. I think that he thinks, if he ignores it, the problem doesn’t exist. My brothers don’t know what to do either. They are looking for answers and I don’t have any myself. I feel a big strain even in home life. So many of the plans we have made or planned have now changed. I just want to survive the storm with my family intact. I don’t want to argue or split apart. I want to wish everything alright. I know I have to trust God and truly lean on Him. So why do I feel so human in my emotions? It is like an untamed ocean raging. Sometimes, I feel like I have to keep what I feel inside for the fear of annoying those around me. All I want to do is just stand. All I am going to do is stand.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
